The first time we had a fight with Karis, he walked out and came back late in the night drunk. It was over a small issue. One of my friends mentioned seeing him at the bar with his ex and I asked him about it. I did not expect that it would be something he would react that way about. He told me that the whole time I usually wait for him to fail and that despite everything working against us, he was still here.

I woke up the next morning and left for work with no words exchanged between us. My whole day was a mess. Our fights seemed to have this cycle where he would go silent until when I start talking to him and often, I would feel drained because I am also human and want someone, I care about to meet me halfway. The day ended with not much events happening, and I left for home thinking I would make dinner and have at least some bit of conversation. Traffic was a mess, there was a presidential address, and everyone was rushing home to avoid being locked down like it was rumored to happen.

I got home to a quiet house at around 9 pm. This was unusual because Karis was working from home and the TV was always on even when he was in a different room. He hated silence so the TV noise was his biggest company. I went to my bedroom to change and found him seated there, staring into blank space. I noticed a bottle of whiskey a quarter full. Two days in a row, he was drinking and for a person who had struggled with sobriety this worried me a bit.

“Hey” I whispered unsure about the whole situation.

He stood from the bed and walked towards me.

“Where have you been?” he asked.

“I had patients coming in late and there was crazy mad traffic” I explained.

“And you didn’t think it would be nice to give me a heads up…” he continued.

“Look, I came home immediately after work, there was traffic with everyone rushing to avoid lock down and stuff…”

He slapped me. I stood there shocked that he did it. You know the way women tell each other they can never stand there when they are slapped? I stood still, shocked that it had happened. I was still in this state when he punched me and kept saying things I could not hear. I did not scream or move. I remember curling in a corner and covering my head and I let him kick and punch until he had enough.

He banged the door and went out of the room when he realized I was not defending myself. I felt helpless and sobbed. The floor was cold, but I could not move, and I kept asking myself what would happen when he came back. I heard him drive off. My whole body was in pain, my stomach especially. I struggled to get up and call my sister, she lived a few blocks away, although I do not even know why I was calling her.

I fell as I went down the stairs. I could hear her scream over the phone but then everything went blurry after that.

I WRITE THINGS TO AROUSE EMOTION